EvCC student Jamie Staley demonstrates a closed off, unapproachable "wallflower."

Body language: How to say it all without words

By: Jamei June

Posted: 3/12/10

You're walking into a party, and although you look utterly fabulous, you get nervous as you step inside and realize you don't know anyone other than the host.

You sit on the couch in the middle of the room, cross your arms and legs and as people pass, you give them a closed mouth smile. Why the heck isn't anyone coming up to talk to you? You look great and friendly, right?
Your hair and outfit may be making everyone want to come say hi, but your body language is telling them to stay away.

It's crazy how influential body language is! Going clubbing, coming to a new class and definitely attending an interview, you want not only what you're saying with your words but what you're saying with your body to let people know that you are the coolest, most confident person.

Have you ever been in a situation where you're standing there in front of people and start to feel incredibly awkward because you can't figure out what to do with your hands? Suddenly they become fidgeting annoyances that you shove in your pockets, then move to your back and finally just cross to avoid looking like an imbecile with flapping arms.

I've got to tell you, whatever you do, do not cross your arms! By doing this you automatically tell the people around you that you are closed off and want to be left alone.

Just remember, openness likes openness; keep your arms open, whether placed behind your back, on your hips or relaxed at your sides.
When going to an interview or other new situation and you need to exude confidence, the best choice is to put your arms behind your back. When you do this you put out the vibe that you are in control and powerful. Studies show that it actually makes you feel this way, so if you ever notice that policemen or leaders stand and walk with their hands behind their back, that's why.
I hate when I'm on a date and think I have something in my teeth! I nervously rub my lips and keep putting my hand over my mouth as I speak.

If you're ever in this situation, where you're telling a story to someone or presenting yourself to a potential employer, don't cover your mouth! It subconsciously tells whomever you're with that you're lying or being deceitful.

Ever say something bad and uncontrollably slap your mouth right away? Or when you're nervous bite your nail and cover your mouth? All of these signs are seemingly hiding something, even if you are not.

? It's weird to be walking along and see someone you somewhat know or don't even know. You'll look like the joker if you grin really big or feel like a nerd if you wave and they look behind them wondering who the heck you are.

The head nod is the answer. In our culture the head nod means 'yes' but in much of the world is it viewed as a mini-bow, showing respect and acknowledgment.

Also, when you're at an interview and you want to show you agree or understand what the boss is saying, do a little nod to seem composed and in sync with what is going on. Don't get crazy with this and turn into a bobble head, but nodding is a universally great thing.?
I could go on and on about what body language is the best; it's an addictive and influential topic. If you want to check out some great books about this subject, I recommend "The Definitive Book of Body Language," an easy read with a bunch of great pictures or "How To Read A Person Like A Book," which is equally great.